We are not what we think. We’re instinctual creatures, inherently rational yet gifted with creativity. Before assuming, you should pause– the classic example is your boss is walking down the hall and looks upset, so you immediately start telling yourself a story about how she is mad at you. You actually don’t know what’s going on, so just pause and lean into figuring it out.
2. The Power of Kindness
Never once have I regretted leaning into kindness. However, sarcasm and rudeness? Those moments I’m not always proud of. Kindness matters, and as Gary Vee talked about last week, love is undefeated.
3. Boundaries aren’t Betrayals
Setting boundaries isn’t rude — it’s necessary. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Prioritize your well-being — just like how the flight attendants remind you to secure your oxygen mask before assisting others.
4. Perfection is an Illusion
Practice makes progress. Embrace your mistakes, learn from them. Perfection? A limiting illusion. Aim for growth, not perfection.
5. Don’t Wish, Plan
A goal without a plan is simply a weak wish. And a plan without action? An unrealized dream. So make a plan and work that plan, and iterate.
6. Joy is not a Zero-Sum Game
Joy, love, success — there’s enough for everyone. Don’t waste your energy on jealousy. Instead, spread joy and help others succeed.
7. Enthusiastic Failure is Awesome
If you are failing, you are trying. If you are trying, you are learning and growing. Just think of all of the people that are sitting on the sidelines fearing failure — they are missing out on learning and on the inevitable successes.
8. Fight for Your Career
No one, not even the best boss, cares about your career as much as you do or at least as much as you should. Be your advocate, your champion, your fighter — do not assume your good work and work ethic will be seen. Everyone has a million things going on in their head, and are often focused mostly on themselves — so remind them about how awesome you are.
9. Surround Yourself with Challengers
Sycophants suck — they will make you stagnant and rob you of growth. Surround yourself with smart, challenging people. As John Wooden wisely said, “Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you.”
10. Lifelong Learning = Happiness
Continual growth and learning are keys to genuine happiness. Keep pushing your boundaries. Stay curious. My father-in-law often quotes his college’s slogan: To Learn; To Lead; To Serve. I often filter opportunities through this slogan. Namely, if I take advantage of an opportunity, will it allow me to learn, to lead, or to serve, or maybe a combo of these? If the answer is yes, I’ll likely do it.
11. Apologize, Forgive
Admitting you’re wrong is soul-cleansing. Do it promptly and when you can’t, still do it eventually And remember — forgive yourself too.
12. Do 1 Thing
You can’t do everything all at once. Focus on one thing at a time for true progress. We often get overwhelmed by all of the things we need to get done — and if you get overwhelmed, you often cannot finish the things you need to finish. The best approach is to write down, pen on paper, all of the things and then start force ranking them until you eventually get to the 1 thing you can do right now.
13. Appreciate Diverse Realities
I love Marvel movies and comics that deal with the multiverse. It is always a fun mental exercise to think how one little thing could change everything. This is a good reminder that everyone you come in contact with is filtering everything through their own reality. Everyone perceives reality differently — even those closest to us. Understand this to foster effective communication and learning.
14. You Can’t Fix Stupid
Remember this when dealing with difficult situations or people. Don’t drain yourself trying to fix something or someone that refuses to change.
15. Values Guide You
Live by your values. They give you a set guide to respond to various situations that may initially seem difficult to decide. For example, my values include doing the right thing, being transparent, and being kind. Often, leaning into doing the right thing makes a seemingly difficult decision simple.
16. Know What Not to Do
Alongside your to-do list, maintain a not-to-do list. It helps streamline your priorities and maintain focus.There are certain things that may fall into your lap that you should delegate or just would not be a good use of your time and the value you bring. I for one would often still do the thing and risk falling behind on the items that actually matter and which actually take advantage of the value I bring. Strive to construct a to-do list that capitalizes on your most valuable and outstanding strengths.
17. Embrace the Unexpected
“Everyone has a plan until they get hit in the face,” Mike Tyson wisely stated. The resilient ones, the ones who can adapt, win.
18. Heal, Don’t Hurt
Hurt people hurt people. Understand this, but also strive to heal, not hurt.
19. Honor Your Creativity
Your creative spirit is a treasure. Nurture it. It will reward you with joy and a fresh perspective.
20. Feedback is a Gift… Sometimes
Feedback can be a gift — but not from everyone. Don’t let the opinions of those you don’t admire weigh you down — it is noise, and you often need to ignore the noise to listen to what’s best for you.
21. Surround Yourself with Joy
Surround yourself with people who fill your life with joy, laughter, and positivity. Steer clear of those who deplete your energy. One of my favorite career books is “How Full is Your Bucket,” and it explains how positive interactions, like receiving a compliment or recognition, can “fill” our bucket. Negative interactions, such as criticism or being ignored, can “dip” from our bucket.
The book further explains that each time we choose to fill others’ buckets, we also fill our own.
22. Cherish Your Values
Honor your values, always. Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing. Make your future self proud.
23. Recognize Your Power
You have more power than you realize. Embrace it. Use it to drive positive change.
24. Acceptance and Change
You can’t change every person or situation. Fight the good fight, but remember, some people need to find their own path to change.
25. Inspire and Shine
You can inspire, heal, and bring joy just by being yourself. Give yourself opportunities to shine. Your light might be what someone else needs.
26. Create Your Board of Directors
Have a group of trusted individuals to bounce ideas off during significant life crossroads. They’ll help you view things from different angles. For me, I have my sister, my wife, my kids, a former professor, my father-in-law, and good friends — the group changes on occasion, but I always try to seek out advice from a wide variety of people.
27. Honor Your Feelings
Never downplay your feelings. They’re real and valid. Taking care of you matters too. This comes into play when I might have an inclination to dismiss feeling a certain way because others have it worse. I learned to acknowledge that others have it worse and be grateful for what I have, but I avoid dismissing feelings outright.
28. Speak Up
Hold people doing bad things accountable. I’ve learned to lean into this more as I recognized in myself that when I don’t say something, I always regret it — so even if it is awkward or uncomfortable, you have to speak up especially when others may not have a voice in the room.
29. Give Immediate Feedback
Give immediate feedback in the moment to maximize its impact. Be honest, straightforward — no compliment sandwiches (where you give a compliment, then you give the critical feedback, and then you end it with another compliment). When you avoid giving immediate feedback, your feedback will get lost in transit and you’ve missed an opportunity to give someone awareness of a possible blind spot. I love the Sheryl Sandberg quote, “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.”
30. Overcome the Negativity Bias
You have a negativity bias — we all do. Recognize it and push past it. Embrace positivity. Our negativity bias is based on evolution — when we were cavemen and cavewomen, when we looked at a situation and feared that there might be a tiger prowling in the grass, it saved our lives. Yet now that negativity bias may hold us back from moments where it is just a nice day in the park.
31. The Strong are Vulnerable
Strong people are vulnerable, weak people are bullies. Embrace your vulnerability — it’s where your true strength lies.
32. Acceptance
Horrible things happen to good people. There’s no making sense of it.
33. Foster Healthy Conflict
Healthy conflict can solve real issues. Don’t avoid it, instead, manage it constructively. This was an important lesson for me, because I had created a habit over the years of de-escalating tense situations by cracking a joke. The de-escalating is often needed, but then ensure the conversations that need to be had are still had.
34. Listen and Care
Listen to understand, not just to respond. You learn more by listening than you do by talking. People often hold back their own growth because in conversations they only listen so that they can share their point of view. If you focus on listening to understand the other person’s view, you can hopefully learn and engage in a meaningful dialogue.
35. Bring Sunshine
You can’t control everything, but you can control how you show up. Be the sunshine in someone’s day.
36. You’re Not Alone
There’s nothing noble about going through struggles alone. We’re in this together. Lean on others and let others lean on you.
37. Marriage Is a 100/100 Proposition
Marriage isn’t a 50/50 game, it’s a 100/100 commitment. Be transparent, honest, and fully committed to growing together.
38. Logical Fallacies: Beware
Being able to spot logical fallacies can save you from futile arguments. One of the most popular logical fallacy in the current political climate is the false dichotomy fallacy — for example, someone may frame an argument as “you’re either with us or against us,” but in reality you have a more nuanced opinion that just one side or the other.
39. Equity vs. Equality
Equity and equality are not the same. You need to understand and appreciate the difference.
40. Everyone’s an Iceberg
With every individual you meet, you’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Be patient, kind, and empathetic.
41. Evaluate Intent vs. Action
Remember, we often judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intent. Foster patience and understanding in your relationships. For example, someone could tell you that they are going to email by the end of the week, and when they don’t, you get upset about how “flaky” they are. Yet, you may promise to email someone by the end of the week, and then all sorts of issues and emergencies pop up so you cannot email them until the beginning of the following week. You don’t see yourself as flaky, you intended to do it but a bunch of emergencies popped up.
42. The Myth of Overnight Success
Overnight success is a myth. Every accomplishment is built on years of hard work. The hustle is real.
43. Creativity is Infinite
Creativity is not a finite resource. As Maya Angelou noted, “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”
44. Humor Helps
Humor has a unique healing power. If you can laugh at yourself, life becomes much more enjoyable. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously. Inject humor where you can, lighten up and have some fun!
45. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Over IQ
EQ is as critical, if not more so, than IQ. Your ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict is vital.
46. Life’s Paradox: Short Yet Long
Life is short and life is long, a fascinating paradox. Don’t miss out on opportunities thinking they will come around again. And don’t jeopardize your future by living fast and loose with everything. Balance is key.
These are the 46 insights I’ve gathered over my lifetime. What about you? What life lessons have you learned that you’d love to share?
